CMoosepower had the stars around the avatar to illustrate Supernova status. Denff did not. But despite the differences in experience and status, the two made for worthy foes in a challenging heads-up battle. Both players earned their spots at that table, and Denff stayed strong until a crippling hand that resulted in second place. CMoosepower showed, in the end, that it was possible to overcome many obstacles at the final table and emerge the winner.

*****

Many poker players love mixed games. Whether it is for the simple variety to spice up a game and keep one’s mind on fast-forward or because of a perceived edge over other players, they do flock to any type of mixed poker game. While some players like the challenge of HORSE or 8-game or even 10-game options, some enjoy the division of No Limit Hold’em and Pot Limit Omaha, the two most beloved games in any mix.

Event 22 offered players that mix of NLHE and PLO, and players could get in on the low buy-in version of the event with only $11 (or less through the right satellite). And the turnout reflected the mix’s popularity, while the prize pool more than tripled the original guarantee. Let’s look at those numbers:

Players: 8,352
Guarantee: $25,000.00
Prize pool: $83,520.00
Paid players: 1,080

After hours (and hours) of play, the money bubble burst, courtesy of 1081st finisher zbad. Suodi was the first player to cash, taking home $17.53 for 1080th place. By that point in the tournament, there were only two Team PokerStars Pros remaining in the field. The first to exit was Marcin “Goral” Horecki in 711st place, and Jude “j.thaddeus” Ainsworth left a bit later in 458th place.

It was around the 10-hour mark that the final two tables were reached, and action moved several players to the rail over the next 30 minutes. Another 30 minutes later, SEEEDx was eliminated in 11th place to start hand-for-hand play. Then Vactra moved all-in from the small blind with [9d][6c], but it just so happened that Fohle140586 could call from the big blind with [Qh][3h]. The board blanked with [Ah][2d][Tc][8s][8d], and Vactra had to leave in tenth place with $459.36.

Cmoosepower leads to start

The final table was set in Level 39, with 80,000/160,000 blinds and a 20,000 in NLHE. The starting chip counts were as follows:

Seat 1: Fohle140586 (5,769,014 in chips)
Seat 2: CMoosepower (12,239,592 in chips)
Seat 3: Denff (2,164,475 in chips)
Seat 4: bezya (2,829,039 in chips)
Seat 5: mizarkshzark (3,524,052 in chips)
Seat 6: Nick nase (3,250,160 in chips)
Seat 7: framerica (1,810,306 in chips)
Seat 8: N@RT_19 (1,294,405 in chips)
Seat 9: slavik19861 (8,878,957 in chips)

Only a few hands into the action, Fohle140586 scored a massive double-up through the chip leader and took over the lead from CMoosepower:

RSS readers click through to see replay

Slavik19861 raised UTG in the Omaha round, and N@RT_19 called. After the flop revealed [Jc][Kh][3d], N@RT_19 pushed all-in with [6d][9s][4s][As], but slavik19861 called with [Kc][8d][Ks][9h]. The set of kings stayed ahead as the [Ad] and [6c] rounded out the board, and N@RT_19 was ousted in ninth place with $647.28.

Double-up city

Framerica doubled through Denff, who then did the same through Fohle140586. Bezya doubled through mizarkshzark, and Nick nase doubled through Denff and then through Fohle140586. Perhaps we should start a spreadsheet.

The doubling luck had to run out at some point, and it happened for mizarkshzark. The initial raise from UTG was met by a reraise from framerica. Mizarkshzark reraised all-in with [Kd][9d][Kc][Td], and framerica called with [AH][7d][AC][7s]. The board came [Jd][Tc][Ts][3d][7h], and that full house knocked mizarkshzark out in eighth place with $1,002.24.

CMoosepower finds momentum

As CMoosepower chipped up quietly into the chip lead, the next big hand put the player further ahead. CMoosepower started the hand with an UTG raise, and bezya reraised all-in with [Ac][4c]. CMoosepower called with [7s][6s] and hit the flop when it showed [7h][2s][Ks]. The [6h] turn gave CMoosepower two pair, and the [8c] on the river ended the tournament for bezya, who took home $1,795.68 for seventh place.

Nick nase then scored a big double through Fohle140586:

RSS readers click through to see replay

Another big hand developed, started this time by framerica with a UTG raise. CMoosepower reraised, and Denff went over the top all-in. Framerica called all-in, and CMoosepower folded [Ah][Jc] face up. Denff showed [Kh][Ks], which dominated the all-in’s [Qd][Qh]. The flop only helped Denff when it came [Kd][7d][5h], and the [As][7h] turned that hand into a full house. Framerica departed in sixth place with $2,589.12.

Old rivalries

Fohle140586 was short and doubled through CMoosepower to stay in action. The only person gaining on CMoosepower was Denff at that point.

Slavik19861 then tangled with Denff to see a raised flop of [Js][As][Td]. Denff bet, and slavik19861 called all-in with [7d][9c][Ts][8c]. Denff showed [Kh][Ad][Ac][8h], and the set of aces stayed good as the [2h] and [5d] ended the hand. Slavik19861 had to leave the tournament in fifth place with $3,424.32.

No deal, folks

The final four players paused the tournament in an attempt to discuss a deal, but it might have been a bad sign that they couldn’t agree on whether to look at chip-chop or ICM numbers. They were provided with both sets of numbers, but that only created more disagreement. Play was restarted when it was clear that there would be no deal.

Denff dominates

Denff took this opportunity to double through chip leader CMoosepower:

RSS readers click through to see replay

Two hands later, nick nase moved all-in preflop with [As][7s], and Denff was along with [6c][6h]. The board came [5d][3h][Ts][4s][Jd], and the pocket pair held up to eliminate Nick nase in fourth place with $4,426.56.

When Fohle140586 made a move preflop with [Qs][Tc], Denff was there again, that time with [AH][Td]. The board revealed [4s][4h][Js][8d][2h], and Fohle140586 was gone in third place with $6,681.60.

Heads-up battle

The final two players started their match with these counts:

Seat 2: CMoosepower (17,038,780 in chips)
Seat 3: Denff (24,721,220 in chips)

They quickly realized that they might be able to agree on a deal. Despite a chip lead for Denff and initial objections, Denff agreed to an even chop of the prize money with the obligatory $500 set aside for the winner. So, with each player agreeing to a $10,625.72 certain payment, play continued.

CMoosepower quickly evened the stacks, and the two exchanged chips but stayed nearly even for quite some time. Finally, though, CMoosepower was the shorter of the two and made an all-in move on a [9h][8d][4c] flop with [9s][Kc][9d][Qc], and Denff called with [Jd][Ah][7h][Ac]. The [Js] and [8h] finished the hand and gave CMoosepower the double-up.

Denff, on the other hand, was very short and moved 507,340 all-in on the next hand, managing a quick double. On the very next hand, Denff moved again, that time with [3h][Ks][6h][2c] preflop. CMoosepower showed [Qh][Jd][3d][9c] and managed to produce a flush on the [Ad][Qc][4d][9d][6c] board. Denff had to settle for second place and $10,625.72.

CMoosepower of Denmark claimed the SCOOP title, Movado watch, and $11,125.72 in cash. Congrats!

2012 SCOOP Event #22-L ($11 NLHE/PLO) Results (reflects deal):

1st place: CMoosepower ($11,125.72)*
2nd place: Denff ($10,625.72)*
3rd place: Fohle140586 ($6,681.60)
4th place: Nick nase ($4,426.56)
5th place: slavik19861 ($3,424.32)
6th place: framerica ($2,589.12)
7th place: bezya ($1,795.68)
8th place: mizarkshzark ($1,002.24)
9th place: N@RT_19 ($647.28)

*Numbers based on two-way deal with $500 reserved for winner

The Spring Championship of Online Poker home page contains all of the tournament results, schedule of upcoming events and their satellites, and a leaderboard for the 2012 Series.

Tags: avatar | ept | estrellas poker tour | eureka poker tour | lapt | russian poker series | SCOOP

EPT, WCOOP and SCOOP champion. Nicolas “niccc” Chouity came within inches of completing that triumvirate last week when he made the final table of Event #5-H ($1,050+R NLHE Turbo). Chouity fell short that night, although the $54,000 consolation prize was certainly nothing to sneeze at. Although the payouts were a bit smaller tonight, the journey to the final table was no less arduous and once again, Chouity proved his mettle. The 2010 EPT Grand Final and 2011 WCOOP champion added a 2012 SCOOP watch to his mantle and over $47,000 to his bankroll, topping Event #24-M ($109 PLO 1R1A Turbo).

Event #24-M’s 1,364 players made 1,038 rebuys and 676 add-ons, creating a $307,800 prize pool. 171 players earned a share of it with first place set to earn $52,326.00. Of the 19 Red Spades in the field, six made the money, including Martin Hruby (158th), Martin Staszko (149th), Dale “Daleroxxu” Philip (139th), and Team Online’s newest member Roy “GodlikeRoy” Bhasin (104th). With five tables remaining, two Team Pros were still in the hunt– Britain’s Liv Boeree and SCOOP Player of the Series contender Viktor “Isildur1″ Blom, who has already won two SCOOP events in the last week and was gunning for this third title.

Blom’s deep run came to an abrupt halt after three-bet shoving preflop against badboypony, who called with [Ad][Qh][Jc][8c]. Blom turned over [Ks][Kd][Qd][4d], but an [Ah][Tc][8d] flop left him drawing extremely slim against badboypony’s aces up. The [8s] on the turn made badboypony eights full and the [4h] on the river left Blom with only 2,635 in chips. They went in on the next hand, his [2c][3s][4s][Th] up against nielt’s [Ah][Ad][Td][9h] and Zagalo87′s [Qc][Qh][Jc][9s]. Nielt’s aces improved to aces full by the river and Blom was bounced in 42nd place.

Sorry, buddy. Not today.

Liv Boeree had a volatile run as the field narrowed to two tables and with the blinds up to a stratospheric 50,000/100,000, she three-bet shoved her last 445,000 with [Qd][Js][9d][8d] and was called by Jenndo with [6d][8h][Ts][Jd]. The [4s][4h][2c] flop missed both players, but Jenndo turned the [6s] to make two pair. Boeree did not improve on the river and went out in 15th place, earning $2,062.26.

Liv lasts longest of the Team Pros

A bit more than three and a half hours after cards went in the air, the field was down to ten and the blinds up to 80,000/160,000. With the average stack less than six big blinds, even the chip leaders had only one move. Gregory6 had a no-brainer of a decision when the action folded to him in the small blind and he looked down at [Qc][Qd][8h][6h]. He min-raised to 320,000 and nielt called all-in for his last 87,000, turning over [Kd][Th][4d][2d]. Gregory6 hit top set when the flop fell [Qh][Jh][3h], while nielt picked up an open-ended straight draw. Although nielt hit the [Ac] on the turn to make his straight, gregory6 rivered the [Jd] to make queens full and sent nielt to the rail on the final table bubble.

Final table chip counts:

Seat 1: niccc (1,249,408 in chips)
Seat 2: RiskStar (730,566 in chips)
Seat 3: Giffordonian (912,630 in chips)
Seat 4: gregory6 (1,339,363 in chips)
Seat 5: 1234_ET (698,108 in chips)
Seat 6: TJ SABA (854,436 in chips)
Seat 7: asia11 (698,095 in chips)
Seat 8: Jenndo (969,350 in chips)
Seat 9: O.Mustang (1,782,044 in chips)

O.Mustang lost the chip lead on the final table’s first hand, RiskStar cracking his [As][Ah][6s][3s] when his [Kh][Ks][Qc][Js] flopped queens and jacks. The hand inspired a bit of discussion about a potential deal, but before the conversation could get anywhere, TJ SABA raised to 875,000 on the button and asia11 called all-in from the small blind. Although asia11′s [Kc][Qd][Qh][Jh] made top set on the [Qs][9c][8s] flop, TJ SABA’s [Th][Ts][9s][2d] rivered a flush to eliminate asia11 in ninth place.

Gregory6 doubled his 1.5 big blind stack on the next hand, making aces up against niccc’s kings up. Also on life support, 1234_ET moved in for 398,000 and got a call from RiskStar in the big blind. RiskStar flopped a set of sevens but 1234_ET turned a jack-high straight to double to 921,000.

Down to his last 846,000, O.Mustang moved in from the hijack with [Kd][Qd][Tc][Jd] and niccc reshoved from the cutoff with [Ac][Kc][Kh][5h]. The kings held and O.Mustang was out in eighth, earning $6,002.10.

The remaining seven players agreed to pause the action and discuss a deal. While chip leaders TJ SABA and niccc agreed to a chip count chop, the short stacks were more enthusiastic about the flatter ICM numbers. Unable to come to an agreement, cards went back in the air with the blinds up to 150,000/300,000.

The first hand back saw RiskStar move all-in for 581,000. TJ SABA made the call, his [Qh][6d][5h][4s] up against [Ad][Kd][Js][3s]. The [Qs][Tc][Qd] flop hit both players, TJ SABA with trip queens and RiskStar an open-ended straight draw. It was all over on the turn, however the [6s] landing to make TJ SABA queens full of sixes. RiskStar was out in seventh place, earning $9,080.10.

Jenndo doubled through TJ SABA on the next hand, turning trip nines against two pair. The hand after that produced a three-way all-in, gregory6 and 1234_ET’s tournament lives at risk against niccc:

The action didn’t break for even one hand. Giffordonian’s last 253,000 was committed in the big blind with [2h][3c][8d][9c], the lone caller niccc, who completed the small blind with [Kc][2c][3s][5c]. Niccc and turned two pair, and unable to improve, Giffordonian was eliminated in fifth place.

Another hand, another knockout. This time it was Jenndo at risk, his [Js][Jd][4d][2c] running into niccc’s [Ac][As][Kd][3s]. Niccc turned the nut flush on the [Qs][8s][7h][7s][5d] board, ending Jenndo’s run in fourth place for a $20,930.40 payday. This was Jenndo’s second final table of the 2012 SCOOP; one week ago he took home $43,000 for his runner-up finish in event #5-L ($11+R NLHE Turbo).

The final three agreed to pause the action for a second round of deal discussions. Holding 4.1 million in chips to TJ SABA’s 2.94 million and 1234_ET’s 2.16 million, niccc wouldn’t settle for less than a $44,000 share. TJ SABA and 1234_ET agreed to give up $750 and $1,000 respectively from their shares and with $3,000 still in play, action resumed.

A few trades of the blinds later, 1234_ET was all-in for his last 169,000 against both niccc and TJ SABA, who limped in for 400,000 apiece. TJ SABA checked the [Ks][Js][Th] flop, niccc min-bet 400,000, and TJ SABA raised to 2.1 million. Niccc moved all-in for 3.56 million and TJ SABA gave up his hand. Niccc revealed [Kd][Js][Th][2s] for top two pair and rivered a full house to send 1234_ET to the rail in third place.

Heads-up chip counts:

Seat 1: niccc (6,705,891 in chips)
Seat 6: TJ SABA (2,528,109 in chips)

TJ SABA doubled up on the second hand of heads-up play, his [As][Ks][Kd][Qs] holding against niccc’s [Td][Th][9s][6s]. Their chip counts now nearly even, TJ SABA opened for a 3x raise to 1.2 million and niccc three-bet to 3.6 million. TJ SABA called and they saw a [Kc][8c][3s] flop. Niccc insta-shoved for his remaining 978,000, but TJ SABA elected to save his last 1.05 million and gave up his hand.

Niccc raked in the last of TJ SABA’s chips on the next hand. His [Kd][9d][8s][3h] flopped trip threes, leaving TJ SABA’s [Qd][Jc][4s][2d] in the dust:

Kudos to Nicolas “niccc” Chouity on adding a SCOOP title to his already-impressive poker C.V. He banked $47,063.48 for the win while runner-up TJ SABA earned $37,841.59.

EPT, WCOOP, and SCOOP champion Nicolas “niccc” Chouity

2012 SCOOP Event #24-M ($109 PLO 1R1A Turbo) results:

1. Nicolas “niccc” Chouity (Lebanon) $47,063.48*
2. TJ SABA (Canada) $37,841.59*
3. 1234_ET (Germany $35,106.05*
4. Jenndo (Thailand) $20,930.40
5. Giffordonian (United Kingdom) $15,236.10
6. gregory6 (Israel) $12,158.10
7. RiskStar (Norway) $9,080.10
8. O.Mustang (United Kingdom) $6,002.10
9. asia11 (Finland) $3,324.24

*= reflects the results of a three-way deal that left $3,000 in play for the winner

Don’t let SCOOP pass you by– head over to the SCOOP page for a full schedule of events and satellite information.

Tags: 2011 | belgian poker series | crime | estrellas poker tour | facebook | france poker series | italian poker tour | poker | russian poker series | united-kingdom | world cup of poker

The poker culture in the Philippines has been lively and thriving since the first time the APPT set foot in the country, during the Season 1 event in Manila in 2007. Filipinos, like many people in other parts of the world, have taken to the game with passion and fervor, helped in no small part by a governmental regulatory apparatus (PAGCOR) that supports the game and legitimate poker rooms run by organizations like the Metro Card Club that makes live poker as accessible as the online variety.

The game’s growth here in the Philippines has been made possible by a number of people, not the least of whom is Wally Sombero. Some refer to him as the Godfather of Filipino Poker. Others call him, simply, “a good man”. No matter who he is to the speaker, all speakers agree that he has helped popularize poker in the Philippines.

Even a good man can have his dark days, and for Wally those days came a few years ago when he was the victim of an assassination attempt. In a former life, Wally was a well-regarded police lieutenant in Manila. I can’t sugar-coat that there isn’t crime and corruption in the Philippines. It exists and it’s a problem. In the course of working to solve that problem, working to prevent crime and to root out corruption, Wally made some of those proverbial “powerful enemies”. One of them tried to take him out.

The hit took place while Wally was in his car. He was shot six times and yet miraculously didn’t take any lasting damage. He was hobbled for a while, and had to undergo an extensive amount of physical therapy to recover from his injuries, but he sits in the tournament room today fully healed from what could have been a life-ending tragedy.

We’ll be the first to tell you that Wally’s live tournament results are limited. He has only cashed on the APPT twice – in the Macau Main Event in Season 3, and in a side event at Cebu the same year. More recently he made the final table of a $2,500 no-limit hold’em event in Manila. He’s much more of a cash-game player, the type of player that often goes unnoticed and unheralded by the poker world.

But sometimes, in poker and in life, it’s not about big, splashy results. It’s about a person’s presence, his impact on the world around hiim. It’s about the measure of a man and the mark that he makes. The measure of Wally Sombero, at the poker table and away from it, can’t be disputed by anyone. Hopefully he continues to attract Filipinos to the game for many years to come.

Tags: 2011 | European Poker Tour | game | pca | planets | portugal poker series | russian poker series | UKIPT | videos | wbcoop | world cup of poker | world-series

The European Poker Tour’s eighth season is nearing a close, with the second to last stop of the season taking us to the world’s music capital of Berlin. This is the third time the EPT has ventured on to German turf and has proven to be one of the largest stops on the schedule with the previous two years drawing in whopping fields of 945 and 773 players respectively.

Without forgetting Berlin’s turbulent history, it has now transformed into one of Europe’s most popular tourist destinations, mixing rich history with a dynamic atmosphere that has made the city a magnet for young people from all over the world. It is a center for the arts, with countless museums and galleries, a rich theatre scene, and strong reputation for fashion, design and music.

Official language: German

Currency: Euro

Weather: April’s average is a cool 15°C (59°F)

Banks: Most are open from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m., Monday to Friday

International dialing code: +49

Visas: EU citizens do not need a visa to visit Germany. Citizens from outside Europe and the U.S. should consult a travel agent.

Time: Germany is in the Central European Time (CET) zone.

The German capital can be quite an inexpensive destination in comparison to its European sister cities, and with no enforced closing hours, the parties will keep you up all night long. That is, if you bust out early of the EPT Main Event.

If you’re looking for that solid night out on the town, keep in mind that the nightclubs are empty before midnight — they don’t come to life until around 2am. So keep your dancing shoes tame until then, and start your night off in one of the hundreds of bars, such as a local favorite for Sunday nights Neue Odessa on Torstraße. Berghain has been voted the best nightclub in the world, so it’s probably a place worth ticking off the bucket list if you’re into electronic music. Berlin is divided into distinct neighborhoods, each holding their own appeal, such as the chic Kürfurstendamm, historic Mitte, bohemian Kreuzberg and artsy Prenzlauer Berg.

Shopping is a key attraction in Berlin, and avid spenders are spoiled for choice, particularly in places such as Hackesche Märkte, which is great for shopping and dining. Vibrant street markets regularly pop up throughout the city, particularly Straße des 17. Juni , Berlin’s largest and best known flea market. Or if you have big money to spend (after an EPT win, perhaps?) then head to the “Champs-Elysees of Berlin”, Kurfürstendamm, for some designer shopping and luxury hotels.

Sightseeing is endless in Berlin, and best experienced on foot, or with the aid of the reliable public transport. Using Public Bus 100 (or 200 which runs a very similar route, but also through Potsdamer Platz, located near the EPT host venue) is a great, inexpensive (€2.30) way to tour Berlin in a double-decker, open-aired bus, passing most of the historic sights, all without the exuberant fees of an official tour bus. Some drivers thrive off giving commentary as if they were driving a tour bus, so you could get lucky. From the awe-inspiring Reichstag parliament building, to the 200-year-old Brandenburg Gate, the preserved Berlin Wall-turned 1.3km dedicated street-art gallery, or the futuristic Potsdamer Platz, it would be a crime to not dedicate a full day to explore the sights of this city.

Lastly, my personal recommendation on how to spend a spare chilly evening is with a fantastic bottle of red wine over a candlelight dinner in a cozy little restaurant called Lutter & Wegner, right by the Potsdamer Platz Arkaden shopping mall, making it a great place to people-watch from a table by the window. Bliss!

Tags: australia | berlin | European Poker Tour | france poker series | latin-america | napt | pokerstars | world-series

16 April 2012
California, USA

Dear Ndugu,

I hope you are well. I received all of your letters and read every single one at least a dozen times.

I apologize for not sending you money over the last twelve months. After the events of Black Friday on April 15th of last year, I no longer had the available funds to donate to your orphanage. Before Black Friday, I earned a redonkulous amount of blood money from online poker sites. It was embarrassing that a hack like me should be compensated for writing pedantic trite on Tao of Poker, so in order to feel better about myself, I used a percentage of that windfall to fund humanitarian efforts like feeding organic foodstuffs to hippies, supporting odalisque single mothers twirling on the pole, and of course… sending money to your foster program in Tanzania.

I know it’s been approximately 111 days since my last letter and I have no excuses, expect that I had nothing meaningful to say. Nothing. For the last few years, I’ve felt like a fraud without a sincere message. I hate repeating myself and my schtick is nothing more than a derivative of something I already said much better years before. I’m supposed to be imparting pearls of wisdom to you, but instead I’ve done nothing but brag about what it is like dabbling in the Dionysian lifestyle (smoking too much grass and popping waaaaay too many pills), while promoting the genius of degenerate gambling.

I was a peddler of broken dreams — a postmodern Pusherman — shoving online poker down the throats of whomever wandered into this corner of the web. I should’ve been executed five years ago by a firing squad for crimes against humanity.

There’s something to be said about the Seven Deadly Sins. The Jesuits used Dante’s Divine Comedy to teach them to me in Latin — acedia (sloth), avaritia (greed), gula (gluttony), invidia (envy), ira (anger), luxuria (lust) and superbia (pride). I often indulge in at least four of them at any given time. Sometimes I brazenly juggle all seven and it’s like trying to catch searing fireballs. Even though I release them as quickly as possible, those fireballs of sin still char my flesh.

It’s impossible to wake up every day without being driven by one of those sins, and let’s be honest, living a life of purity isn’t all that much fun. Johnny Hughes once told me, “You need one vice, one drug, and one girl. But never more than one of each, otherwise you have real problems.”

Ndugu, I can’t stress the importance of this: if you realize you’re juggling more than three sins, then it’s time to take a break because each sin is like a vat of acid that corrodes your soul into a bubbling mist of despair.

Life has been good to me. Too much so. In the buffet of life, I overindulged myself. Can you blame me? I’m a curious person, which has often gotten me into trouble, but it’s definitely saved me from living a life of mundane comfort.

I lived in cheap motels in Las Vegas and clients put me up in luxurious hotels all over the world. I spent many hungover mornings sitting in international airports gazing at the beleaguered faces of other harried business travelers. I can’t believe that I’m somewhat sane after jumping more time zones than I can count, acting as a missionary for the Church of PokerStars, blazing trails into uncharted territory and trying to convert the locals by preaching salvation via online poker. When that failed to work, I became an economic hitman resorting to the oldest trick in the Gringo Manual on Latin American Commerce — tempt them with glossy images of the celebrity culture and wave a fistful of cash until they start drooling.

Poker is a game of skill, but greed is a deadly drug. Sometimes it’s not easy to differentiate between the two. Unfortunately, you really can’t become the best at whatever you want to do without being greedy. Conflicts arise when greed spills into other aspects of your life. You want more. You consume more. You covet thy neighbor’s wife. You covet thy neighbor’s oxen. You hate and despise those whom have more. You make fun of those whom have less. It’s just the nature of the game. Once we’re in… we’re in for life. It’s like getting on a superhighway without any off ramps and exits. If you slam on the brakes, then you’re going to be crushed by an 18-wheeler. You have no choice but to keep driving until you reach your final destination… death.

While caught up in the pursuit of material items, humans forget that we’re just a bunch of animals and a single chromosome away from being a chimpanzee. After all, we share something like 98% of the same DNA. Whether it’s God or a bunch of alien geneticists — whoever created us pretty much carved us out of a similar mold.

It’s through greed that they control us. Who is they exactly? The collective cloud of capitalism. The gears of commerce. The massive machine of consumption.

The Ned Beatty character explains it the best in the 1976 film Network, when he rips Howard Beale a new asshole for speaking out against the system….

“It is ebb and flow, tidal gravity. It is ecological balance. You are an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations. There are no peoples. There are no Russians. There are no Arabs. There are no Third Worlds. There is no West. There is only one holistic system of systems. One vast, interwoven, interacting, multivariate, multinational dominion of dollars. Petrol dollars, electro dollars, multi dollars. Reichsmarks, Rins, Rubles, Pounds and Shekels. It is the international system of currency which determines the totality of life on this planet. That is the natural order of things today. That is the atomic and subatomic and galactic structure of things today. There is no America. There is no democracy. There is only IBM and ITT and AT&T and DuPont, Dow, Union Carbide and Exxon. Those are the nations of the world today…

We no longer live in a world of nations and ideologies, Mr. Beale. The world is a college of corporations… inexorably determined by the immutable bylaws of business. The world is a business, Mr. Beale. It has been since man crawled out of the slime.

I don’t have to explain to you how absolute power corrupts all institutions. You’ve seen the heavy hand of colonialism come smashing down on your continent. Your rare minerals are extracted to build mobile phones. Your clean water is stolen and converted to Coca-cola. Your glistening gems eventually are draped around the emaciated bodies of cocaine-eyed starlets posing for the paparazzi on red carpets in Hollyweird.

Bad beats are something you experience every single day and the fact that I’m even complaining about my situation makes me a vapid wanker. I don’t have to tell you about tyranny and inequality through imperialism because I’m preaching to the choir. You’ve seen the daily horrors of predatory capitalism disguised as national hegemony. Corrupt officials worldwide padded their overseas bank accounts after becoming perverse corporate-owned puppets. The nefarious rulers of banana republics take bribes in exchange for allowing their lands to be raped, polluted, looted and destroyed by ruthless multinational conglomerates, meanwhile the same unscrupulous leaders are pimping out its powerless citizens as cheap slave labor.

We live in a use and abuse society. If you aren’t using someone, then you’re being abused.

Those atrocities will never end. And how do I try to change the world? I don’t, so I wallow in Catholic guilt which just makes me even more miserable.

For almost a decade, I easily distracted the masses from the maelstrom of evil that has engulfed the world by churning out misogynist rhetoric about the glamorous rockstar lifestyle of a professional poker player. I don’t mean to rag on pros because I have a sincere respect for what they really do. They are an eclectic breed of rebels and rogues, born with an innate and uncanny knack for cards, and the majority of them work their asses off. The day-to-day life of a pro is nothing close to being swanky and upscale, rather it’s utter terror with nonstop pressure and many of them struggle to avoid drowning in their own self-doubt.

The same can be said for anyone running the rat race. Doesn’t matter if you’re Phil Ivey or Lloyd Blankfein, because most of the time, everyone is emotionally beaten by the daily grind so they insulate themselves from reality by adopting the “balla” persona.

Deep down we all know what we’re doing is complete bullshit anyway… so it’s better to live it up now and relish the present (dare I say, carpe diem?) rather than rue the past or be fearful of the unpredictable future.

From that perspective, the prevailing sense of anomie is what justifies the means. We feel devastatingly empty about how we earn a living, so we surround ourselves with material items that are supposed to symbolize and replace intangible feelings of self-worth and accomplishment. If the material items don’t work, then we indulge in carnal pleasures — drugs, sex, rock and roll. And if that doesn’t work, then we turn to religion and find solace worshiping invisible entities.

You never realize how much you miss the sun, until you’re covered in complete darkness. That reminds me of a Bill Withers lyric, “Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.”

One day I will die. Maybe in 25 years? Maybe tomorrow? The “when” never really matters because we all die. Sometimes I wonder if Neal Cassady was right about life being like driving on the open road… “We are four dimensional beings in three dimensional bodies, looking out two-dimensional windshields.”

I briefly mentioned the car accident in previous letters, but I didn’t want to scare you about the severity of my injuries. In case you were wondering the details… my girlfriend wanted to sleep in, so I drove myself to breakfast. I was completely sober, which is ironic, because had I been a little buzzed, I would have been driving a little more cautious. But then again, almost everything in life is out of our control. All it takes is one jerkoff to run a red light and then you’re done. Fade to black.

The good news is that I’m almost fully recovered, which is a miracle. I still walk with a slight limp, but I thank the universe every day for having the chance to see the sun rise and then set. I’m living on borrowed time. I’m not afraid of dying. Death is inevitable. I’m more afraid of barely being alive. The fact I’m not crippled baffles me. The paramedic took photos of the crushed car and he often shows it to his colleagues. When he was driving my battered body to the ER, he told my girlfriend that I luckiest guy in Vegas because walked away from what should have been a fatal accident. A monster-sized SUV spearing the driver’s side of a mid-size car at a high rate of acceleration usually results in 85% mortality rate. I sucked out big time. I’ll never complain about losing money in Las Vegas again, because last July, I won a priceless jackpot — a second chance at life.

I should’ve perished underneath the blazing Nevada sun and inside a twisted heap of metal and granulated glass. I would’ve been a ghost wandering the Las Vegas valley for eternity, yet for some cosmic reason, it wasn’t my time to go. But, I can’t let an hour pass without thinking… “Why am here?” I’m struggling right now because I’m ashamed that my existence is and was utterly meaningless.

What difference did I really make in this world? What have I contributed to this society?

Nothing. I failed. There’s no way to spice up that glaring and disappointing fact that I lived a shallow life. Warren Schmidt said, “Once I’m dead and everyone who knew me dies too, it’ll be as though I never existed.”

That’s how I feel right now.

Hey, but don’t worry about me. I won’t beat myself up too much, after all, I had an absolute blast. This was one wild ride and one I never expected to take. I fell ass backwards into this nebulous world and for many years, I called it my home. This long, strange trip was fun… while it lasted. I’ve been waiting for a time when I can finally say, “This has all been wonderful, but now I’m on my way.” Alas, I won’t fret too much and I’ll fondly look back at the halcyon moments and allow the infectious smiling faces of friends to become permanent memory burns on my brain. And all the bad beats and petty stuff, like the surplus of assholes who caused me turmoil? They’ll get deleted from my memory banks. Every one of them. You’d be surprised how quick a few rum cocktails helps you forget the sullen times.

I wish you the best, Ndugu. Always remember that you have your whole life ahead of you. I hope you can learn from my mistakes and actually do something constructive and meaningful with your life. Don’t be a selfish tosser like myself. Live a life of integrity. Try to make a positive impact in this world.

Be good. Do good. But most importantly… be yourself, Ndugu.

Death is the eventual end point of life. One day we miraculously show up. Then one day we depart and return to the void of nothingness. So while we’re here, right now, we have to make it count. Life is all about small, simple pleasures. Never forget that. Cherish every single moment. Every. Single. Moment.

I don’t want to say that this is my last letter to you, because I cannot predict the future, but let’s be honest, Ndugu… this will probably be my last letter because I’ve said everything I wanted to say and I can’t keep going on forever. Ken Kesey, the great writer and ringleader of the Merry Pranksters, summed it up the best: “Impermanence is impermanence…. nothing lasts.”

Your friend,
Pauly

Tags: 2011 november nine | black-friday | classic tao | dear ndugu | deg | hollyweird | las vegas | Music | phamily poker classic | philosophy | politics | universe

Wow! It’s just amazing what the Belgian poker players are doing on the PokerStars European Poker Tour (EPT) circuit at the moment! Two of my best poker girlfriends, Magia Vandamme and Coralie Nauder, did very well at the PokerStars Ladies Event in Madrid last month. Magia came in first and Coralie second in the event. The Belgian Team PokerStars Pros, Matthias and Christophe De Meulder, who are like my poker brothers, are also rocking both live and online tables. There were also great results by both Team Pro Pierre Neuville and Koen De Visscher.

For me, 2012 hasn’t been that sweet so far. But hey, that’s poker! It’s good to feel that those results don’t come easily; you have to work for them. It trains my poker mindset to be patient and not take for granted what I’m doing. Sometimes when things aren’t going my way, I sometimes forget that every decision, every dollar matters.

I heard about a player who tore a dollar bill apart to confront himself with what he was doing by taking things too lightly. I must admit, apart from it being a crime and something I wouldn’t do myself, it sums up quite well what goes on when you lose focus. Reflecting on this has had an effect because in my last three online tourneys I made the money. I wanted to survive, and tournament poker is all about surviving and minimizing risks.

I just love this game so much because it trains your mind to be strong and puts things in perspective. That also helps me in real life. When I focus while playing poker I forget almost everything around me.

Charlotte Brabander

April is going to be a very busy month for me. I’ll be playing three live poker events. My first is going to be in Namur, Belgium at the PokerStars Belgian Poker Series. I’ll be playing a side event while playing Counterstrike on a Lan party against all comers. So I’ll be training my virtual shooting skills a lot the next days!

The second event I’ll play is the Main Event at PokerStars EPT Berlin. It will be my first EPT Main Event ever, so I plan to go in prepared and take my time for every decision I make. There’s also going to be a video crew following me for a program on national television. So I will get to see how nervous I’ll be on national TV afterwards! My last event this month will be the PokerStars Women Live event in Monte Carlo. Monte Carlo 2010 was my first event ever, so I’m very happy I am going back! It’s one of my favorite locations because of all the glitter and glamour. It’s going to be amazing and I’m also looking forward to all the EPT parties. With no doubt they are the best parties ever. I hope to see some of you at my table!

Tags: australia | Battle of the Planets | festival | france poker series | monte-carlo | pokerstars macau | russian | virtual | world-series

David Vamplew. Nick Abou Risk. Max Silver. These were names that you’d be forgiven for mistaking for a glam rock three-piece two years ago. Not so now. The three have become regular fixtures on both the UK and European poker scenes with Vamplew’s heads up victory over John Juanda at EPT London Season 6 for £900,000 the trio’s crowning glory.

While Vamplew’s success has helped him onto a live winnings total of $1,884,770, which easily pushed him up to the top of the Scottish all-time money list (his closest rival, Tony O’Hagan, has a smidgen over $350,653), his partners in crime are no slouches at the table either.

Partly thanks to making three UKIPT final tables, one win, North London boy Silver has $540,738 in live winnings – to which €23,280 can be added for coming out on top in the UKIPT Galway €2,000 high roller yesterday. Top that off with a prodigious staking record and you can see that it’s been an incredible couple of years for Silver. Despite that, all eyes, Ireland focussed at least, were looking at Abou Risk this morning. He holds the most modest winnings of the three, just $187,727, in live tournaments but was in line to score a record third UKIPT win, a title defence no less.

Abou Risk started today on the final table of UKIPT Galway as the defending champion and was looking to spin up a short stack to claim a domestic triple crown. The Canadian, who now lives in Dublin, booked a £50,000 win in Edinburgh in August 2010 shortly followed by a second title in Galway. Best laid plans would have dictated that we would have linked to our blog coverage of the UKIPT Galway final table showing that Abou Risk had pulled himself back into contention. Alas, it was not to be. He bust in 7th for €14,700, but we caught up with Vamplew to find out how Abou Risk consistently goes deep in those fields.

“I think that against a lot of the amateur players and UKIPT online qualifiers Nick’s aggression levels will definitely reap results, Obviously he runs really good as well, which helps. He wins every all-in.* He does pick up a lot of chips without showdown which helps you a tonne and is the key to winning tournaments,” said Vamplew.

*Okay, not ‘every’ all-in. Abou Risk three-bet jammed [ks][jh] into Emmet Mullin’s [ks][jh] and failed to outdraw.

EPT London champ David Vamplew

Now then, EPT blog reader, don’t go thinking that playing the UKIPT is like going back to the late 90′s where any consistent aggression will see you make deep runs, there are plenty of good aggressive players (as well as plenty of value) but Vamplew believes that Abou Risk sets himself apart by balancing rampant aggression with knowing exactly where he is in the hand: “He does it at the right time rather than mad blind aggression. He knows what other people think of him and he’s aware of his image. He has a sense of when they’re going to play back and when he should six-bet all-in with ace-five. And if he does get it wrong he gets there.”

As back up plans go the ‘always get there’ policy is a solid, if not entirely reliable, safety net to have. Unfortunately for Abou Risk that play didn’t work at today’s final table

Vamplew is up over 42,000 today here in Copenhagen and, along with fellow young British EPT winner Rupert Elder, is now an ever-present on the tour, which is a long way from when he met Abou Risk and Silver: “I met them in April or May 2010. Andrew (Ferguson) knew Max through the internet and said to me that he’s go to the monthly Dusk Til Dawn comp, a £300 buy-in. Max brought Nick along and I went with Andrew, who chopped the main £300 and Nick won a £150 side event to kick off his Hendon Mob cashes.”

The oft talked of EPT double is certainly up for grabs for Vamplew (and Romanello, Baekke, Elder etc) but now here at the start of the 79th EPT main event we’re beginning to think that will never happen. Prove us wrong. Please someone prove us wrong.

Tags: Baltic Poker Festival | crime | estrellas poker tour | gambling | lapt | planets | TOC | twitter | wbcoop

A floral shirt sits in stark relief against the coffee-colored skin of the cocktail server. He’s holding up one finger at the strawberry blonde man with the goatee in the middle of the stage.

“One?” asks the server.

A look of seriousness–fierce, almost anxious seriousness–crosses the goateed man’s face. This is not a playground. This is not a nunnery. This is the Thunderdome. This is the main event of the one of the biggest tournaments in the world. This is not a place where “one” will do.

In a suit, lime green shirt, and striped tie, Robbie Thompson holds up a peace sign–wait…no, that’s not it. It’s a revision on his order.

“Two,” he says. There is not a hint of a joke in his voice.

The server nods and scurries away as if he knows just how important his job is.

Anyone who knows Thompson knows what will be on the tray when the server returns from his mission. In recent years, Thompson has become known simply as Red Bull Robbie, a final table announcer with the kind of appetite for Red Bull reserved for recovering methamphetamine addicts and fighter pilots. It’s a crime Thompson hasn’t earned an official sponsorship from the energy drink maker. Instead, that sponsorship belongs to some other Red Bull Robbie, an Australian stunt motorcycle rider who presumably doesn’t know a damned thing about poker or “shooting them into the muck.”

That last bit is the other important part about Thompson. It’s not only his maniacal consumption of Red Bull that distinguishes him from a small but worldwide network of final table announcers. Thompson also has a thick mental thesaurus and can describe the action of a player folding his cards in about 100 different ways. If he were a funeral director, Thompson might say, “Let’s us commit this man to the earth one last time. Let us shove him into muck for eternity.”

Robbie Thompson hard at work

I sit in the back row of the audience, head pounding, eyes puffy, a wreck from a restless few hours of nightmares in between the end of work last night and the beginning of work today. Involuntarily, my mouth stretches into a long lion-like yawn. It’s the kind of yawn that makes one’s eyes water and jaw joints hurt. When it’s over and my eyes clear, I think I see Thompson looking at me. And I’m pretty sure I know what he’s thinking.

If only that tired writer had a Red Bull…no….two Red Bulls…he’d be just fine.

Thompson doesn’t speak. I may be imagining it all. Perhaps there is a part of me that wants to have the announcer’s energy and mental stack of synonyms. More than anything, there is a part of me that would just like to be really, really awake. But I also wonder if Thompson isn’t due some friendly warning. That is, will there come a day when Red Bull Robbie doesn’t really want to drink Red Bull anymore? What happens then? It is, I dare say, maybe something like a guy who develops a funny reputation for falling down all the time, but then one day decides, “Man, falling down really isn’t any fun.”

It’s a short-lived thought, because now the server is back, and sure enough, he has two cans of Red Bull on his tray. This is how it begins.

As if on cue, Thompson grabs his cans, grabs his microphone, steps on stage, and gets the show underway.

“This is… the maaaaaain event.”

As long as the server in the floral shirt doesn’t stray too far, Thompson will be good to go for the next 24 hours.

Tags: Asia Pacific Poker Tour | crime | eureka poker tour | floral | france poker series | harrah's | napt | SCOOP | TOC | wcoop

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

One of my favorite political writers is Matt Taibbi, columnist at Rolling Stone magazine, who also penned a few books such as The Great Derangement, which included an astute observation about politics and Big Business…

“You don’t elect politicians to commit crimes; you elect politicians to make your crimes legal.” – Matt Taibbi

Black Friday more than put a wrinkle into the lives of American poker players, it decimated the entire online poker landscape. On April 15th, we all discovered that we could no longer play on our favorite online poker sites. Just the day before on April 14th, Americans went about their lives with the ease and comfort knowing their bankrolls were safe in a virtual bank somewhere overseas. We were under the impression that we could exercise our right to gamble… or choose not to gamble… because after all, we’re adults protected under the Constitution of the United States. We have the unalienable rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Online poker could be one of those, or it could be all three. I know I spent too many hours logged onto a different online poker site bogged down in the pursuit of happiness, only to get sucked out by a one-outer, which sent me on mega-LAGtard-Scandi-tilt.

Online poker was a short-term escape from the harsh reality that we live in corporatocracy. Our nefarious politicians are pwned by oligarchs and plutocrats, all of whom don’t give a rat’s ass about your personal liberty to engage in any sort of activity (gambling or otherwise) on the internet. If you haven’t been paying attention to SOPA or the NDAA, then you should get off your ass and do some research. Uncle Sam and Big Brother are now one in the same while a shadowy cabal of international banksters are pulling the strings.

Remember that scene from The Godfather, after the ailing Don handed over the reigns of the Family to his son, Michael Corleone?

“You are like me,” mumbled Don Corleone. “We refuse to be fools, to be puppets dancing on a string pulled by other men.”

I’m still trying to figure out why some activities in America are considered a crime and why other things are permitted, but then again most laws these days defy all logic. We’re living in a rigged political system that is rotten to the core. Corruption is the grease that keeps the wheels of Big Business churning. Corruption is what re-balances the manipulated scales of justice.

Who were the real culprits behind online poker prohibition in America? After doing some research and “following the money” trail, I pointed fingers in a post titled Black Friday, Vampire Squids, and 1,000 Masturbating Monkeys. Almost eight months later, I continue to search for more concise answers. Sure, we have the names of the unscrupulous politicians leading the witch hunt, but like Don Corleone explained, someone else is tugging at those puppet strings.

Who are the puppeteers?

Why did they cock block us?

What is so terrifying about online poker?

What kind of crimes against humanity did we commit by sitting around in our underwear and playing cards?

How did the simple act of playing online poker become threatening to the Establishment?

I guess the answer to my last question is this: poker players are rebellious in nature and free thinkers. Many of us would not have taken the courageous leap into the virtual waters at online poker sites unless we were strong-willed, determined, and seeking an alternative way to live our lives. Online poker provided income, happiness, purpose and validation instead of following the herd and the Master Plan (college > job > marriage > mortgage > kids > college fund > retirement) that had been beaten into our heads since birth. We were conditioned to conform from the moment we popped out of our mother’s womb. We’ve been corralled into institutions like cattle, stripped of any semblance of individuality, brainwashed into living a life that we think is what we’re supposed to do — obey, consume, reproduce — all of this without questioning authority and expressing an independent thought. The moment any of us stray from the path, we’re ostracized and marginalized, and if that doesn’t deter us, then agents of the state (paid by our tax dollars) will beat the shit out of us until we get back in line. And those whom stay on the path and do not upset the herd are thrust into a fabricated world in which the entire point of existence is to…

1. Become obedient cubicle slaves exploited by corporate overlords.

2. Generate tax income for the bloated state.

3. Create profits for the banking cartel in form of debt creation — credit cards, car loans, school loans, small business loans, mortgages and second mortgages.

4. Buy cheap stuff (Made in China) that we don’t need, which proliferates ginormous profits for Big Business.

5. Breed children so a new generation of consumers and debt slaves will continue this maddening cycle.

I was drawn to poker because of its anarchist nature, but since then it’s been bastardized both economically and politically. Do you want me to scare the shit out of you? Many pundits vehemently against online poker are convinced online poker sites (and other online gambling sites) launder money for terrorist networks. The National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) was passed the other day, which gives the military the green light to scoop up American citizens and detain us indefinitely as an enemy of the state if we’re suspected of having ties to al-Qaeda or any other terrorist groups and anti-American organizations. Say goodbye to “innocent until proven guilty.”

“Theory of Poker” translated into Farsi
Under the NDAA, our totalitarian government can demonize anyone, including online poker players, by simply labeling them enemy combatants. Many of you thought not being able to play in the Sunday Million sucked, just wait until the military shows up at your front door, bags a black hood over your head, then whisks you away to Gitmo or some other secret prison, where you’re forced to do the naked pyramid with other freshly-detained Jihadists.

What the hell has this country come to? It’s poker, for fuck’s sake! It’s just a card game. A game. An all-American game. Texas Hold’em. The Cadillac of Poker. “It takes seconds to learn and a lifetime to master,” according to Mike Sexton, the ubiquitous ambassador to poker, whose name will now pop up on the FBI’s Watch List in between Ramadan Abdullah Mohammad Shallah and Husayn Muhammad al-Umari.

Any way you look at it, unsuspecting Americans were squeezed by the government and we all got caught up in this shakedown when the UIGEA passed in 2006. Our last hope is to sway politicians to alter the laws, just like Matt Taibbi said in his famous quote… “You don’t elect politicians to commit crimes; you elect politicians to make your crimes legal.”

The sobering reality is that all the letters and emails in the world won’t change the mind of our licentious elected officials. The poker industry dusted off hundreds of millions in a concentrated effort to lobby Congress, yet those we trusted to get the job done dropped the ball time and time again. We must think outside the box to solve the problem, and resort to drastic measures in order to re-install the freedom to fire up online poker sites once again. It will take a shitload of cash and gold to persuade the immoral muppets in DC to end online poker prohibition. If bribes don’t work, then we’ll have to call in a favor with the wiseguys. Because all it takes is just one severed, bloody horse’s head in the right politician’s bed to shape policy in our favor. Then, and only then, will we be able to play online poker again.

While we wait for the proverbial horse’s head, the time has come to say farewell to a couple of dear friends. RIP online poker. RIP America.

Tags: 2010 WSOP | 2011 main event | atom | november-nine | phamily poker classic | SCOOP | TOC | Vegas | wcoop

By Pauly
San Francisco, CA

Saturday morning. I sidestepped a German couple at the Aria and felt like the Joe Walsh song Life Is Good. On top of the world. Rested. Catching the first buzz of the day. Itching to gamble. In the previous years, I stayed up way too late raging hard on Friday night and staggered into the tournament on little to no sleep on Saturday at noon. This year I booked a room in the same casino where we played, so all I had to do was walk downstairs. Perfect scenario, especially if/when I busted early I could drop stuff off in my room, check the scores on a few games, then head back downstairs and sweat friends at the final table.

* * *
“I live in hotels, tear out the walls.”

I woke up with college basketball on my mind. I placed a few bets on the UK-UNC game, schedule to tip off at Noon EST or at the horrendous 9am hour in Vegas, so I set my alarm in order to get a bet in. The first business of the day featured a quick meeting in front of the sports book. I felt confident with a hot tip from G-Rob.

“I watched every minute of every Kentucky game,” explained G-Rob. “I watched every North Carolina game too. Seen every game both teams played. I’m telling you… Kentucky wins, covers, and the score will be low. Bet the under.”

G-Rob spoke with the sincerity of a Sunday preacher, yet his assessment on the game seemed like a well-crafted pitch from slick boiler room stockbroker. It’s hard to resist G-Rob because of his secret weapon — perfectly coiffed hair. My brother Derek always suspected he was a member of a CIA black-op mind control project to keep the sheeple under constant hypnosis. With disdainful ignorance, I heeded G-Rob’s advice and without hesitation I marched up to the window at the Aria’s sports book.

I also tailed a college football pick from the legendary Johnny Detroit and bet Southern Mississippi +13.5 against the Houston Cougars. All of the so-called experts on the boob tube were all over the #6 ranked Cougars. The public was also betting Houston heavily, but the “Wiseguys” syndicate were all over Southern Miss. I trusted their intel and tailed their pick, rather than bet on the same side as the schwill-drinking, booger-eating, “Jersey Shore”-loving dickwads bumping chests in the sports book. Sometimes,you gotta fade the public.

* * *
“They say I’m crazy, but I’m having a good time.”

The 8th Annual Winter Classic was hosted at the Aria’s poker room for a second year in a row. The staff liked the gang at the WPBT so much (and tolerated all of our peculiar quirks) that they invited us back. Phil Ivey’s high-roller’s room was idle while we played and he was nowhere to be seen. Otis spotted him in Maccau earlier in the week, but if Ivey is the Ivey I know, he’s been holed up in a nosebleed cash game with Chinese oligarchs. For the meantime, the only celebrity in the room was former L.A. Dodger pitcher Orel Hershiser. Ironically, he wouldn’t be the only former big leaguer that bloggers would play cash games with someone in our crew.

Jordan pulled a few strings at Pokerist.com and secured a fistful of cash to sweeten the team last longer side bet. Teams were comprised of three players and the best team finish wins the motherload of cash. Change100 and Derek were my teammates on Tao of Fear. I had special hats made for the occasion which incorporated Tao of Fear’s grey alien logo. The ETs live among us and have been assimilated for decades. They infiltrated the casino business as robotic-like Pai Gow dealers, surly doormen, and chefs manning omelet stations in the breakfast buffets.

WPBT OCHO – My Starting Table:
Seat 1. (EMPTY)
Seat 2. BrainMC
Seat 3. Lightning36
Seat 4. AGSweep
Seat 5. Mrs. Chako
Seat 6. Falstaff
Seat 7. Kat
Seat 8. Yestbay
Seat 9. YOUR HERO
Seat 10. Jess Welman

The first thing I noticed… the majority of the field was relatively sober. AlCantHang didn’t show up at the crack of dawn to force-feed Southern Comfort down the throats of a forty bloggers. In previous years, at least half the field was juiced up from pre-game cocktails or still drunk from a hell-raising bender from the night before trying to keep up with the AlCantHang Experience. Only one or two people had the zombie-like stare that you get when you stayed up all night gambling and lost all of your soul. One of them was Grubby. I was getting ready to crash around 4:30am when Grubby sent me a text wanting to degen it up. I politely declined in order to finish reading A Treatise on Money by John Maynard Keynes. In order to write a report for Tao of Fear, I plotted to crash a hedgefund mangers convention at the Venetian later that week, so I had to brush up on Keynesian economic theory in order to bullshit my way into the door.

Sorry for the tangent. Moving on…

Action progressed slowly for a blogger tournament. Aside from the lack of serious binge drinking, I suspected the field (save the few Cannucks who had access to online poker) was rusty in the wake of Black Friday. It had been almost 8 months since many of us played online poker on a regular basis. Fucking federales.

I had a copy of Gigli with me. I handed out the DVD as a joke during the first WPBT tournament at Sam’s Town in 2004. The “Bennifer” movie is so appalling that it’s a fitting departing gift for the first one out of the WPBT Winter Classic. Bill Rini took down the first Gigli, and it’s become a tradition ever since. Unlike the posh “Hammer” trophy that Iggy spends big bucks to present to the winner, I paid next to nothing for the Gigli DVD. It cost $0.01 on Amazon. Serious. A fucking penny. It cost $3 to ship, though. Therein lies the hustle.

No one busted out in the first two levels. Yestbay came close in the first orbit when his Aces were snapped off by Mrs. Chako’s set. He somehow managed not to go broke, but he found himself on life support. Mrs. Chako embarked on a heater and jumped out to an early lead in the opening level. She was a set monster and vacuumed up chips from everyone at my table. I evaded one of her traps when she flopped a set of 7s against my pocket 10s.

Once the third level began, I wondered when someone would bust. We had eight tables with only a couple of “shorties” including Shane Nickerson. That’s when PokerVixen wandered over to collect her boobie prize. Even though she was wearing a Micros’ “run good” t-shirt, she was jinxed because she had just given up her citizenship to that weird land to the north of us… “Canadia”… where its citizens interject the letter “u” into random words and also attempts to pass off “ham” as bacon.

I took out Yestbay and collected one of my favorite bounties to date — a YES greatest hits CD. I was always above average, but I misplayed a couple of hands. I blame Jess Welman’s radiance for my live “misclicks.” I exposed my hand twice when action was still going. One time it cost me a chance to double up against Jess. And the other? It didn’t matter because I ran into a cooler.

OhCaptain moved to my table after Yestbay busted. I only sat with him for a few hands before I got involved in a hand that marked my demise. Kat open-shoved. OhCaptain raised all-in. I had both him and Kat covered and I called with Kings. I think Kat held A-Q, but OhCaptain tabled Aces. Fuck me. Kings into Aces. Crippled. Two hands later I moved all in with 8d-7d. Jess Welman busted me and won my bounty — an autographed copy of Jack Tripper Stole My Dog.

The funniest moment of the tournament occurred after a Grubby moved to our table. He had pounded Kettle and cranberry drinks for a few levels and was a little tipsy when he got to our table. On his elimination hand, he got it all-in against Jess. She busted him and Grubby stumbled over to shake her hand.

“Where’s my bounty?” he blurted out.

A perplexed Jess smirked. “Wait, a second,” she hollered, “where the heck is MY bounty?”

It took a few seconds before Grubby noticed his error. He apologized and said he had forgotten his bounty in his hotel room that he hadn’t seen in days because he had been up for a couple of days chasing the progressive jackpot on Rockin’ Olives slots at the Bellagio.

I was the first member of Tao of Fear to bust, but Derek and Change100 were knocked out in the next level. Our team was dunzo. At that point, I went to the bar and grabbed some grub before returning to the final table to sweat the action. I had just missed AlCantHang and Otis’ elimination hands. With three to go, it was down to Timtern, Melissa Hayden, and quiet random guy that we later found out was Chilly’s friend from St. Louis who had never played a live poker tournament before. Figures. Murphy’s Law, right?

Timtern busted in third place and Melissa was heads-up against the random guy. She took him down to win the WPBT Winter Classic, and more importantly the trophy. She didn’t really care about the money; rather, she really really wanted the trophy. Congrats!

* * *
“I’m just looking for clues at the scene of the crime.”

After eight hours in the poker room followed up by an hour or so at the bar drinking overpriced beers, the time hath come to go slumming at the Imperial Palace. The IP used to be home base, but we opted to spend a few extra bucks and stay at the Aria this year and not worry about contracting Legionnaires Disease.

“It smells like socks and hairspray in there,” said Joe Speaker as he took a long drag off a cigarette. He stood outside getting some fresh air because the IP was its usual zoo for a Saturday night. Dealertainers that were bad dopplegangers for Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift belted out popular songs. Bloggers milled around the pits and rubbed elbows with Budweiser slurping cowboys, hipsters dressed like cowboys, and meth-addled hookers dressed like David Bowie. AlCantHang held court at the Geisha Bar and kept the tab running. I stood around for about an hour saying nothing but just watching people, mostly of the Whiskey Tang variety. You learn a lot about humanity on a Saturday night in Vegas. You don’t wander inside the IP unless you’re looking for a cheap thrill. Hunter said it… buy a ticket, take the ride.

The IP was as low-brow as you can go for the Strip. The simplicity of the cheap thrill irked me. Maybe it was the putrid odor? JoeSpeaker was right. The IP reeked of sweaty socks and hairspray.

I bailed as soon as came to my senses. Playing heads-up middle-stakes Pai Gow at the swanky Aria seemed a thousand times more appealing. I didn’t care if they the pit boss sent out a dealer who was a bot or alien. I just wanted to flee the IP before the rash on my forearm spread to other parts of my body.

“It’s hard to leave when you can’t find the door.”

I gazed out the window of our 34th floor hotel room. The Palms was visible in the near distance.

“That’s where Otis and Jose Canseco are,” muttered Derek. He referenced the insane cash game that a few of the G-Vegas boys found themselves playing against Jose Canseco. The word “worst player” was a popular phrase used to describe the former baseball player. I only wished I jumped in a cab to the Palms instead of trying to go slumming with cowboys and hookers at the IP. I missed my opportunity at free money and lost a shot at padding my bankroll with steroid-induced Canseco bucks.

Sunday morning. A new day. I had finally gotten back on track at the sports book after a profitable Saturday. Kentucky only won by one and failed to cover 6, but I won the rest of my bets, including So. Miss upsetting Houston to win outright and cover. After a dismal start to the trip, I finish Saturday with a decent profit. I was pumped to make some more bets and hit up the sports book first thing on Sunday morning. The lines were already wrapped around the wall. I got word that the Wiseguys were betting Carolina big all over town. Carolina, led by Cam Newtown, was originally a 2.5-point underdog but once word got out that Tampa Bay’s QB Josh Freeman was sitting out, the line jumped to Carolina -1.5. I bet Carolina along with New Orleans, the Jets, the Pats, and Atlanta. I had a few other teasers, but those were not as important as my monstrous bet on the Pats laying 20.5 against the winless Indianapolis Colts. When I showed F Train the ticket, he shook his head then pointed at his crotch and uttered, “Huevos.”

“Si. Mucho grande huevos.”

The rest of my friends thought I was crazy. Crazy? Maybe. Stupid? Definitely. Last year, I told Dawn Summers to bet her final table winnings on the Pats. She didn’t listen to me and missed a chance to turn $1,500 into $3,000. This year, I was riding the Pats again. My blind faith in Tom Brady and Bill Bellichek became my downfall. I’ll spare you the bad beat story, but New England had the game covered going into the 4th quarter before all hell broke loose and they blew a three touchdown lead. I lost my big bet and was scrambling the rest of the day to try to get unstuck. I whiffed on Atlanta and lost an impulse bet on the Cowboys. The Jets won and when I cashed that ticket, I let it ride on the Saints. I doubled down on the Sunday Night Football game hoping it would help cover the day’s losses.

We watched the game inside the Skybox sports bar adjacent to the sports book. The staff had no clue what to expect from our group which bum rushed them as soon as the doors opened. I greased the staff and the found us a nice spot in the corner. Jordan secured $1,000 from Pokerist to fund the Sunday debauchery. $1,000 lasted just under an hour before we had to start paying for stuff by ourselves.

The highlight of the day was the intricate cake that Pokerist surprised us with. The cake cost $500 and took up the entire table. Classy. The cake tasted good and it was the only thing I actually enjoyed on Sunday while sweating the games. Losing the big Pats bet put me in a bad mood and nearly killed my spirit. The cake helped me rally and I was ready for the next item on our agenda… the half-marathon.

* * *
“Lucky I’m sane after all I’ve been through.”

The plan was simple… sweat the first half of the SNF game at Mandalay Bay, then cheer on our friends at the finish line of the half-marathon. It didn’t occur to me the logistical nightmare of hosting a 44,000 person race. Mandalay Bay was packed but sort of looked like a refugee center. Friends and family of the runners were scattered throughout the casino as they tried to stay warm.

Heather and April found a spot in the middle of Las Vegas Blvd near the front of Mandalay Bay. About 15-20 of us stood and watched random runners jog by us. Derek hung over the rail and smoked a cigarette, while StB pounded a beer. It would have been a perfect spot to burn down a doobie, but there was an undercover police car nearby.

In order to keep warm, I blurted out random things to runners as they passed us. I can’t recall most of what I said, but all I know was that by that point of the night, I was roasted, faded, and drunk. Grange95 had a few pops in him and he kept the chatter lighthearted. The guy in the Borat costume passed us and all he wore was a green thong. Many other runners took the opportunity to don superhero costumes, wear pink tutus, and dress up like Elvis (or is it Elvi?).

Mrs. Otis posted Otis’ split times on facebook. We got word he was a couple of miles away. I told everyone it was a perfect time to practice our chant, so we belted out “O-tis! O-tis! O-tis!” We were loud and in tune. All we had to do was wait.

I spotted Poker Peaker whizzing by. At first I didn’t think it was him until I recognized the Colorado flag symbol on his running shirt. He posted the fastest time out of the group. Bad Blood flew by us not much longer and barely looked like he had broken a sweat. We wondered about Chako, Mattazuma, G-Rob, Curtis, and of course Otis.

We almost missed Otis. I knew he was wearing a green fluorescent shirt and we had an approximate time he’d be near us, but that was it. Luckily, he came to us when he spotted Grange or Drizz’s head on the rail. He snuck up on us with a flyby and we hesitated a few seconds before everyone belted out the chant.

“O-tis! O-tis! O-tis! Oooo-tis!”

He ran for a few seconds than thrust his arms in the air forming a fluorescent green V. It’s something I’ll never forget. The V. Otis had been through hell the previous week, yet that did not deter him from completing a task he set out to do. After 13 exhausting miles, he neared the finish line — something both tangible and personal. His resplendent V piercing through the dark, freezing night is one of the most inspiring symbols I had ever seen in Las Vegas.

“Life’s been good to me so far.”

To be continued…

Tags: 2010 main event | 2011 main event | action | black-friday | indianapolis | jack tripper | news | Podcast | Tao All Stars | TOC | venetian